Although this autobiographical prose bears no title, it can easily be called Bailey’s Life Review. The notation following the March 14, 2001 creation date reads, “There was a Child.” That may have been the model from which she was inspired.
I went forth every day
And the objects that surrounded me, made me who I am
And each person or event played its own role that changed the course of
that day and the next, and all the ones to follow
And each thing, big and small, affected me forever.
In my family, the smallest of them all,
Striving to break the bond that had been tightly formed between the two
before me craving attention, asking questions, wanting answers,
And each response made a piece of me.
Always following in the footsteps of my brother and my sister
never starting for myself but continuing from their example, taking
their leftovers,
hand-me-downs
and liking it.
Learning from them, and Stace, our housekeeper, our friend,
And part of me becoming like one, the other parts held pieces of the others
Karate, with my brother, a white belt, discipline, respect, strength,
excitement
Horseback riding, with my sister, shows, 2nd place, control, fun, fear
These activities are embedded in my mind
Seeing my sister’s braces, and wanting them
Family cats, Sherman, Stanley, Sophie
Sherman getting old, and sick and eventually he died, looking at me, and
dying, right outside my sister’s room
Stanley, so ill and old, and suffering, putting him to sleep
Each trauma was burned in my memory
And each time one would go we would replace it with another, Demi, small and
frightened
Nightmares, trading my upstairs room for my brother’s room, right next
to my parents and feeling safe
Hearing the music coming from upstairs, Ace of Base, his first CD
drowned out by the door to my brother’s room
Getting braces, wanting them off, painful, annoying, ugly
Rooting myself into the ground where I was raised, in my neighborhood, with
my family, in our corner house, with the big hill, the neighborhood kids
coming to sleigh ride, the best house on the block, the big snow storm,
snowball fights, forts, strategies
All of that became a part of me.
Glasses, cumbersome, breaking, in the way
I met Spot, the new kitten, tiny, wild
Birthdays, fun, loud, special
Relaxing, free time, bedtimes, wanting to stay up
Taking in everything around me, thinking I could remember it for ever, not knowing memories fade
and a few of them became part of me
Learning the secrets of my siblings, being trusted, forming my own ties
to both of them
Teaching them the things I knew
karate, boring, a chore, pain, dull, brown belt
Envying my brother’s seclusion in the upstairs room, yearning for his privacy
My roots ripped out of the ground, Moving, replanting into a new home, new
room, new school, new friends, new life
Starting things of my own, lacrosse, soccer, exercise, fun, friends
trying new things, sushi, speech
Spot became my own, closest to me, love, comfort
My braces removed, my teeth, perfect, white, clean, an obsession
My Bat-Mitzvah, adulthood, Judaism,
That became a part of me
Forming my own likes, reading, writing, school, challenges, puzzles, brain
teasers, music my first CD, Ace of Base, music heard through the house,
drowned out only slightly by my door, everywhere, anytime
Time, precious, lacking, busy, and liking it, late nights of homework, sports, craving sleep
Friends becoming closer than even my family, true friendships, lasting, helping, laughing, caring
First time skiing, with my friends, falling, standing, loving it
those moments are everlasting
Contacts, finally, small, compact, invisible
Begging for less regulations, more freedom
Scared, everywhere, of everything, of nothing, of boredom, silence, unknowns, my future, worry
Planning, my college, my family, my job, my destiny
Curiosity, wondering, questioning, my hobbies
All of these things had an impact on me.
And I went forth, and continue to do so
Each day thinking up new worries, new ideas, making new friends, and new accomplishments
And every day I do something that will shape my future and, stay
a part of me.
